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Open Letter to Bluehost

This is an open letter to Bluehost and EIG.

Dear sirs,

Please terminate my account immediately and issue an immediate refund for the $203.08 I was charged per invoice #19342706 on Wed. 26 Nov. 2014.

Please see Bluehost support ticket AJG-04295-931 and project #42750 for the lengthy and woeful explanation of this request. It is a sad tale; a soap opera-like tragedy of ineptitude, bumbling, inconsiderate behavior and generalized stupidity.

Even after the account spent more than two months in limbo and finally migrated (for reasons known only to God and maybe some SysAdmin somewhere) with absolutely no warning at 5pm the day before Thanksgiving, the new server runs like a dog turd.

It’s slow as molasses. I could never make a connection to the secure mail server (the tech support person Wed. nite told me to “just use the mail.tfrazier.org server” – apparently unaware of the difference between secure and clear text email.) And the domain manager doesn’t work at all – every time I tried to delete a subdomain I got the following error:

Trouble obtaining cpanel api result: malformed JSON string, neither array, object, number, string or atom, at character offset 0 (before “Reloading nginx: [ …”) at /var/hal_server/lib/Server/WHM.pm line 1747

In short, it’s a POS. No one bothered to check it, no one looked at it, nothing. Apparently standard operating procedure for Bluehost.

I doubt there is a single person in all of EIG who actually gives a $hi+ what a customer, or former customer, thinks, but on the small chance I am wrong what follows is the reason that, after 7 years, I will never again do business with BlueHost or with any EIG-affiliated company.

I am canceling accounts at both Bluehost and HostGator immediately.

First, let me just say that you guys absolutely suck. Bluehost technical support must be staffed by baboons and the senior managers at all levels must be anencephalous morons. Attempting to do business with you over the past two months has been an epic goat rodeo, a disaster of discombobulated miscommunication and incompetence that makes FEMA’s Katrina response look like a precision marching band.

More importantly, it became clear early on that the dominant, maybe only, attitude in Bluehost tech support is to make every issue someone else’s problem – to throw it (and the customer) over the transom, clear your ticket or call counter and never think of it (or the customer) again.

I ordered an “upgrade” from shared hosting to OHWP on Sep. 25, 2014. Shortly thereafter I received an email stating the migration had started.

That was the only communication I received. After several days I began contacting tech support trying to figure out what was wrong.

Someone promised to look into it. I asked for someone to let me know what was happening. No one did. I called again a few days later. Asked again. Again someone would look into it. Again I asked for someone to let me know what was happening. No one did.

I called again. This time it was “escalated” to someone else and the support person promised to get back to me. No one did. Or maybe someone did. I remember once I got a reply that basically said, “We’re looking into this.” It was of great help.

Days pass. Weeks pass. I continue to call tech support every other day or so for a while. No one will give me any update beyond “someone is working on it.” No one will give me an ETA. No one at any point answers the tickets or posts updates I can see or makes any effort to inform me. That’s a (barely) tolerable response for an issue that is going to take an hour, or maybe a day, to resolve.

But you jackasses maintained that approach for TWO F**KING MONTHS! No one ever bothered to actually help me. Eventually the tech support hold times increased to 30+ minutes and I just gave up.

I tried to contact my sales rep, the guy who sold me the upgrade – Tyler Smith. I sent four emails over the course of 4-5 days explaining the situation and asking if he could help.

After nearly a week he sent the following brief reply, “I see there is a problem with your account. I hope that works out for you.” It was a very comforting response.

Eventually I gave up all efforts to contact anyone at Bluehost and started looking for some place else to move the websites.

In that I succeeded. Goodbye and good riddance.

Sincerely,

Terry Frazier

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